Ella-Louise Gilbert's Blog

How to be productive while avoiding real work

Posted on: March 15, 2011

I am the Queen of productive procrastination, the Empress of dynamic dilly-dallying… a little lazy lassie.  It always seems the more things there are to do, the more ways you find of putting them off.

The Idiots Guide to Pointless Productive Dalliance

1. Colour-code your books/DVDs…

Colour-coded DVD's guarded by colour-coded My Little Ponies

…because it’s like a beautiful, organised rainbow.

2. Set your watch and every clock in your house to the exact second according to the speaking clock…

… at the third stroke, the time will be procrastinating time.

3. Hula-hoop…

… You may not have been good at it as a child, but now is the time to practise! It’s also fantastic for toning your hips and strengthening your core. I once hula-hooped for 45 minutes. I know it was 45 minutes because I was half way through my second episode of Friends repeats (The One Where Eddie Moves In).

4. Write a letter to a friend who lives away…

…handwritten letters are a far quainter way of communicating.  You’re friend won’t only be surprised to receive one, but amazed that you actually remember how to even hold a pen.

5. Be a neighbourhood hero…


…Augustus the lost cat’s poster has been on the lamppost for almost a week now. It’s time you found that kitty, (If you live in Coventry near nutty ladies don’t forget to check wheelie bins.)

6. Invent a new cocktail or sandwich filling…

… peanut butter and grated carrot is surprisingly tasty.

7. Enter Competitions…

… not the soul destroying kind that you have to complete a billion surveys just to have your name entered into the prize draw, (only to later receive junk mail on equipment that will enlarge your penis) but the fulfilling kind, like poetry or photography competitions.

http://www.withwords.org.uk/comp.html This one’s looking for a haiku… easy…


is the key to avoiding

work you need to do

(hmmm, not sure I’ll enter that one…)

http://www.lightspacetime.com/current-competition-2/ This site has a different theme each month. Yeah, yeah, photography is all about lighting, waiting patiently to capture the right moment, looking at things from unusual angles, but chiefly about giving your photo a pretentious title…

I call this one, "Whispering Vespers". Pretentious enough?

8. Think up Productive Dalliance Points 9. and 10. because I’m done procrastinating for the day.


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